figuring myself out

I’m trying to figure myself out.  .  . Today when I hear of adversity, pain, injustice, or anything like it I find myself running towards it. I’m attracted to those areas like bugs are attracted to light. I need to get there and bring the hope, comfort, and the love that is found in Christ. But I use to not be like this. I actually use to run the opposite way. Adversity and pain made me uncomfortable and I wanted nothing to do with it. I tried to ignore it and I even tried to deny its existence. I would turn my head and close my eyes and would walk away. I can remember watching TV commercials about the hungry African babies with the fly on their face and a man comes on asking for your money to help support the kids. Another time watching CNN and seeing all the devastation after a tsunami destroyed thousands of homes and killed many in Shri Lanka. For a moment I was saddened then after about 10 minutes I would forget it all happened. I would forget while others were fighting for their lives.  I remember hating that about myself and I wanted to do something.

There are over six and a half billion people on the planet,

which is crazy, I can’t even get my head around that kind of a figure.

But what we do is approximate humanity to the nearest half a billion

as if near enough is good enough. The truth is every single one is someone,

every single one is a life, with a hope, with real fears, everyone is unique .

-          Joel Houston

 When did such a drastic change take place in my heart?  The truth is I still can feel slightly uncomfortable but I know that it’s not about me and my comfort but it’s about Him. I believe God has placed something in my heart that pulls me towards people that are in these situations.  I believe God has called me to be a representative of His loving nature and to testify He loves them deeply and desires that they turn to Him everything they need can be found in Him. When I get discouraged and realize how unworthy I am I remember that there is a magnificent, wonderful, and loving God that lives in me. How humbling that such a mighty sovereign King would come and live inside of me and love people through me. 

I am only one

but still

I am one.

I cannot do everything

but still I can do something

and because I cannot do everything

I will not refuse to do something

that I can do.

-          Helen Keller

I remember seeing this South African man search in trash cans while I was waiting in a plush, comfortable, air conditioned car a week ago. I have to sadly confess I didn’t do anything to help this man. I regret my apathy but in that moment I began to pray under my breath: “God why did you bless me so lavishly and yet there are people in this world who seem to be so desprate? I know you see them and know of their pain, I just don’t understand. God create in me a heart that sees people the way you see them.  Help me see sin the way that you see it. Help me love people like you love people.” 

Shortly after this man disappeared into the crowd and I prayed that silent prayer a conversation started in the car about two young beautiful girls that were staying on the same compound as I. The two girls are sisters and two years ago when they were only eight and ten years old they witnessed their father die instantly after getting his throat sliced. After this horrible event occurred the older sister of these two young girls decided to lock her sisters into a room where men would come in a rape them repeatedly for many days. You see the older sister was raped before and she thought that her sisters needed to feel the pain she went though.  As I heard the story something in me began to hurt, for I knew both of these girls. A few days after hearing this horrific story of these girls we realized these two girls and most of the others on the compound didn’t own a Bible. We bought Bibles for them all and started Bible studies. Our first study was Jeremiah 29:11-14. After that study we began to see the kids reading their Bibles on their own. Molly, one of the girls that saw her father killed and was raped two years ago memorized and recited Jeremiah 29:11-14 to me. I remember thinking; this is what it’s all about. This is what will bring forth the change that is so desperately needed, Jesus and ONLY Jesus. Not good intentions, money, or even supplies. Jesus is the only one that can turn this continent and our world around. We all have a responsibility as the church to introduce people to Jesus.  

Live as Christ died yesterday,

rose this morning

and is coming back tomorrow.

-          Martin Luther 

Yesterday after returning back to Swaziland I had a great talk with a close Swazi friend and this is what he said after I told him I was leaving for Zimbabwe next week  and I wouldn’t return back to Swazi , “Brandon you have encouraged me so much since you’ve been here. You’ve always pointed me towards God but what I don’t get is you people come and do all this good and then you just leave. I don’t understand.” I told him, “I know goodbyes aren’t always easy but sometimes they’re necessary for us to do what God has called us to do. But I can tell you that I hate saying good bye and I really don’t want to go back to the states and live for long. But I want to live in another country and help people by introducing them to Jesus. I’m still praying, “God where do you want me to go?” 

I have been praying to God asking where and what’s next and I believe God has given me another step that I will need to take in faith. I will tell you all about it in time. I just don’t believe I need to come out and say it just yet. But please stay in prayer with me because I believe God could use you to help me with this next step of faith I’ll need to take. . . 

I’m still a work in progress and I don’t know when this transformation took place inside of me but I’m glad it did. I desire and believe I’m called to travel the world and love people the way Christ loved. We can’t get discouraged because the need is so great but we have to focus on individuals God has set in our path. We can’t change the world, a culture, nor even the individual but we can be faithful to what God is leading us to do. He does the transforming of the heart and flips the community right side up. All He asks of us is obedience nothing more and nothing less.

God's Classroom

“I can't stand your religious meetings.
   I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
   your pretentious slogans and goals.
I'm sick of your fund-raising schemes,
   your public relations and image making.
I've had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
   When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
   I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
   That's what I want. That's all I want.”

-          Amos 5:21-24 (Message Bible)

It’s been 7 months and one week since I left the United States to travel 9,000 miles to Africa to serve as a missionary. I had my thoughts and even some expectations but I never expected what God actually had for me. I felt like as soon as I stepped off that airplane and stepped on that hot dry ground I actually stepped into a classroom. But this wasn’t just an ordinary classroom neither was the teacher an ordinary teacher I felt as if I stepped into “God’s Classroom”.  Just like any other classroom this classroom has been full of teaching, assignments, and even tests. 

I’m sure you’ve seen the commercials, read the articles, or heard someone speak of the situation Africa has been in.  The crazy thing is today, you don’t have to travel to know the need that rests in our World. However traveling does make it all more personal and real. After being in Africa for a period of time the statistics now have a name and a face (and that changes everything). A teacher tends to use objects in his classroom to teach. Such as charts that might be on a wall, a chalkboard, or maybe even a PowerPoint Presentation. When you step into God’s Classroom you’ll find that he begins to teach with all that surrounds you.  

Africa is a land that is drowning in an ocean of pain, disease, poverty, and injustice. There has been times I’ve gotten so angry at God because I knew that God in his infinite power could very well do something about all the pain. God began to teach me about his heart and his sovereignty. These are tough lessons to undergo but most of what you learn in God’s classroom is tough and difficult. That’s why few ever choose to step into His classroom.  

“Sometimes I would like to ask God why

He allows poverty, famine, and injustice

 in the world when he could do something

about it... but I'm afraid he might ask me

the same question.”

                                                                  -Anonymous

I hope you’ve read or least heard of the scripture of the sheep and the goats (if you haven’t go read it Matt 25:31-46). We can see in this passage that God values “the least of these” not only does he value them but he commands his followers to care for them.  If we aren’t careful we can get caught up in all the routines and tradition of Christianity and miss the complete heart of God. When we don’t have a daily relationship with God we can easily miss His heart and turn into a religious Pharisee.  I love how the president of World Vision Richard Sterns interrupted Matthew 25:42-43 for our modern day:  

‎"For I was hungry, while you had all you needed.

I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water.

I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported.

I needed clothes, but you wanted more clothes.

I was sick, and you pointed out behaviors that led to my sickness.

I was in prison, and you said I was getting what I deserved.”

 

Everyday in Africa isn’t the same but the message I’m learning is. That message is God loves the poor, the oppressed , the needy, and the sick. Everyday I can feel Him molding my heart and depositing more of His heart in mine.  I still have so much to learn, I don’t have it all together I doubt I ever will. I pray that everyday I will remain teachable and God will continue to create a heart in me that looks like his. . .

pictures are priceless

Before you read this:  It would be beneficial for you to first read “Broken” .To read broken search through June's entries. I make reference to a story that I explained in "Broken" .

Geeze it has been too long since I’ve done a blog entry. We’ve been quite busy doing a lot of ministry. We completed the power camps for this year.  Many probably thousands of children heard the good news through the power camps. We traveled to all 20 something care points praying, dancing, telling bible stories, playing games, and feeding the children. I want to share a story of one of the children I saw at the care points. I was asked to help at the game station.  While at the game station I saw this little girl in this purple jacket coming to our station. She had this little ‘wash rag’ carried with her, to wipe the drool from her mouth the little girl drooled profusely. I began to ask someone if they knew if she had any medical problems (it was obvious something wasn’t right). After questioning I discovered the girl had cerebral palsy. I began to watch this girl she was smiling and having probably the most fun out of all the children. Watching her brought me to tears and also reminded why I’m here. I keep thinking about this little girl when I think about her I pray that God will protect her. Living in a country where 80% of girls before they turn 18 are raped at least once is dangerous. I can imagine especially for girls with disabilities such as the one she has. I pray she would hold onto the joy she experienced in God’s presence. I believe what we did was more than just a fun day for the children. I believe God truly was there and was moving.  (Below are a few pictures of this girl. I love this little girl I wish I could adopt her. I’m very serious.)

Watch as her face lights up as she participates in the Power Camp activities.

If you sponsor Children's Cup you're looking into the face of the fruit of your giving! 

Also while at the camps I saw a little girl that I saw a few months ago. Thank God this time I saw her she was experiencing things a child should experience and not what a child should ever experience.  Only after being in Swaziland about two weeks I had the opportunity to look into the eyes of a statistic. It’s actually the one I gave you a few moments ago in the previous paragraph. 

“80% of Swaziland’s girls before they turn 18 are raped at least once.”

When you hear that statistic you probably feel a sad emotion right? Well looking into the eyes of a 5 year old child after they’ve been raped brings this horrible statistic to a reality that brings your heart to your toes and ignites an anger against this horrible injustice. I will never forget looking into this girl’s eyes after she was raped probably only a few hours before she came into our presence.  While at the care point I saw her little face making a craft. I got so excited to see her I quickly went searching for Jessie the children’s cup nurse to ask how she has been.  Jessie said she is a regular at the care point and comes on a daily bases. I’m still waiting to hear how she is doing. Keep this little girl in prayer she is against so much and I pray that she is no longer being abused. (below are some pictures of this little girl)

You see her in the purple dress making her craft.

Look ate her laughing with her friend. That's what its all about!

We also had bomake (women’s) camp and 412 (youth) camp since I last blogged. Both were amazing! The cooks who cook for the children at the care points are volunteers. They do so much for our kids. They are a mother  to many of the AIDS orphans who attend our care points.  Once a year they bring the bomake to camp. Where they are pampered and poured into. (to all the HOF people it’s basically Merry Christmas to me that our ladies have) The ladies had a wonderful time I had the opportunity to go up one day and serve. I had a great time seeing the joy all over the women and to also here testimonies. God is so good!!!

While at 412 camp God stretched me greatly. He worked on areas I needed some improvement in if ya know what I’m saying. lol Needless to say I’m more flexible and probably more easy going after camp. God moved and on our youth! Some started to open up and start talking about things God is doing in them. This is HUGE!! In Swazi culture people rarely open up and talk about things. So for them to open up and start talking about their issues and the things God is speaking to them you know God was truly moving. 

I LOVE being in Africa. For the first time in my life I can say with confidence and certainty I’m exactly where I need to be and I’m in the will of God. I’ve never been happier! But just because I’m happy doesn’t mean everything has been smooth sailing or a piece of cake. I’m gone through some tough things since I’ve been here but I still have joy. You see, I’ve learned something it’s impossible to be happier somewhere else outside of God’s will. It might cost a lot of tears, not understanding, and heart ache but when you get there. God it’s amazing!!!!!!!  I heard this quote this week:

“I’m safer in the will of God, which may lead me to an unfamiliar place. Than it is to stay home in your comfort outside of His will.” 

I find so much truth in that statement! God is teaching me so much here and I’m loving it all. Pray that I come back the states in March cause I just might find a loop hole to stay here longer. Lol  

love anyway

Mother Theresa is a hero of the faith. She spent most of her life caring for what the world considers “the least”. She is a role model I pray God could use me to become a fraction like. Listen to these impactful words that she not only said but lived:

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for the underdog anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help, but may attack you if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you've got and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

Wow, she loved well! I believe God is calls me to do something similar. Not that I want to be Mother Teresa but I believe God has called me to work with the poor and the sick.

I began to think the other day how amazing it is to do what I’m doing. I have the privilege to serve people that God values so dearly. He treasures and values “the poor” those who lack, those that have a need. And yet He loves me enough to allow me to go and reflect Him to these great people. I feel so honored but yet so unworthy to do such a task. I don’t take this opportunity lightly, I can easily be replaced.

Thank you God for allowing me to do something I love and do it for an eternal impact. I don’t understand your ways for they are far beyond mine. 

Let me update you on what’s been happening in the great southern region of Africa and Children’s Cup. Last weekend Pastor Ben and myself brought a small team to Xai Xai, Mozambique. Pastor Joe Champion has planted a church in Xai Xai and this weekend they were dedicating the building. We went to work with the children and help with the food. We had a great time although we had a huge obstacle a language barrier. No one spoke nor understood English. Even the guys we brought from Swaziland had this barrier because none spoke nor understood siSwati the Mozambiqueans (?) only spoke Portuguese. We found ways to work it out though. Xai Xai is a beautiful city right on the Indian Ocean. One morning I awoke early and saw blue whales jumping in the ocean it was quite a sight to see. I thought I was dreaming.

This past Saturday I participated in a kids outreach a local care point. We called it “Super Saturday” we had jumping castles (spacewalks), puppets, games, worship, Bible stories and many other fun things for the kids. It was a great day! This week we are going to four care points and doing a very similar thing. As you can see there is never a shortage of things to do here we are busy loving and serving people. Its great and exhausting LoL Pray God will give me some energy Lord knows I need it!

Continue to pray for the Swazi people and the missionaries here. About a week and a half ago a guy broke in a lady’s house we go to church with. The guy raped the land lord’s maid and then stabbed the lady that goes to church with us daughter three times. Her daughter is fourteen years old. The stabbing didn’t puncture any vital organs. But as you can imagine the girl is traumatized by the whole event. Things like this happen way to frequently around here. The Lord said “If my people who are called by my name, would humble themselves and pray, and turn from our wicked ways He said He would hear from heaven and come and heal our land.” So pray! Please pray so we might see a change in Swaziland.


About two weeks ago I was asked to speak to the youth. I was nervous and hesitant but agreed to do so. We were starting a new series titled “Extreme” and my topic was extreme love. The Lord led me to speak on “loving through the cross” for when we love the cross we can love anybody even our enemies. Because we forgive them for they know not what they are doing. When we love like this it doesn’t make sense the world doesn’t understand this love. For the world is only capable of loving conditionally. Then I shared the story of Australian missionaries to India the Staine’s family. Graham Staine and his two boys were burned to death in their vehicle by Indian rebels in 1999. What was so amazing was Gladdest Staine’s comment to the people right after they pulled her husband her 8 and 10 year old’s scorched bodies out of the vehicle.

Staines Family

“I have only one message to the people of India. I’m not bitter, neither am I angry. But I have one great desire, that each citizen of this country should establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who gave His life for our sins. Let us burn hatred and spread the flame of Christ’s love.”

I used this to illustrate what extreme love looks like in a modern day. Many people came to the altar that evening to exchange their bitterness and hatred for love. It was a great night.


Oh yea, also pray for this weekend. We are having the first ever youth camp. We are taking about 50-60 teenagers away for this weekend and praying they will connect with God and He would do a work in each one of their lives.

Thank you for partnering with me. Together we bring hope to the great people of Swaziland.

walking through tough times, just walking through not staying

Carrying a jug of water up hill on my head.

When I think about the Lord I’m left in awe. Although I don’t always understand His ways, I know He is painting on a canvas that’s much larger than my point of view. . .

This past week has been a busy and quite difficult week for me. For the past two months I had a roommate and friend to share this incredible African journey with. When my friend left last Sunday I had to go through another transition very similar to what day one was like but not as fun. This time I was alone. I felt isolated and found myself missing home, family, and friends more than ever. It wasn’t a fun experience. The Africa I loved so much felt like a prison of solitude and isolation. I couldn’t sleep at night all I could think about was the comforts of home and friends. On top of going through the “brick wall” as missionaries call it I was asked to speak to 412, HPC’s youth group. Also I was responsible preparing the interns for Intern Sunday. I was caring a huge load and yet was going through so much in the inside. Through the whole experience I felt so far from the ones I love but yet I knew God was so close. Although felt Him with me He remained so quite. I needed Him to speak to me and just say something.

“Say it will be ok and you will make it through this or something” I would plea. But I would get nothing. After a few days of going through this persevering, trying so hard not to show what I’m going through to the other missionaries and the interns.

God may not have said anything, but He was defiantly doing something. I found myself immersed in an enabling grace to complete the many task given to me. 412 went far better than I could ever expect or hope for. God came and ministered to His people. The interns and I had the opportunity to pray with many youth. Some came to the alter in tears wanting to repent and to exchange bitterness for love.

Intern Directors, the interns and myself. All dressed up! Went out to eat to celebrate the great job they all did on Intern Sunday.

Also the interns did a superb job yesterday for Intern Sunday. The interns performed a drama Sunday to the congregation and also shared their testimonies. Hearing their testimonies and seeing them act in the drama left me in tears. I’m proud of each one of them. 

God taught me a lot this week. And the same amazing enabling grace that helped me preserve and complete the tasks given to me also helped me fall back in love with Africa. I’m more excited than ever to be where I’m at. I went through a tough moment but I’ve learned from it. I’m focused and ready to continue to be used by God to minister to what the world considers the least.

PLEASE NOTE THAT MY EMAIL ADDRESS HAS CHANGED TO: brandon@childrenscup.org

Making a stick & mud house!

I'm offically a Swazi. . . my new name is Jabulani

I think I’m going to cancel my flight home and just stay here in Swaziland. I love Swaziland and Children’s Cup way too much to leave. . .

A few weeks ago I went with a team to “Lomahasha” a rural community about two hours away from Mbabane (where I stay). Our purpose for traveling to Lomahasha was to do power camps in three care points. Power camp is very similar to Vacation Bible School we did games, crafts, snacks, Bible stories and many other activities. My personal responsibility was to work games. I wasn’t too crazy about the idea at first, playing games in the middle of the blistering sun. But after the first group came to our station to play I was confident I was right where I needed to be. We played many different games with a parachute. My favorite game was the “Lion game”. All the kids would sit on the ground around the parachute and cover their feet with the parachute. Then all the children were given strict instructions that they can’t look under the parachute no matter what happens. :-) After all feet are under the parachute I would pretend I was a lion and I would go under the parachute and pull the kids under the parachute. They would all start laughing so hard as they wait in anticipation if they will be next to pulled under. But while I’m pulling them under there is another teacher walking around the parachute trying to “save” the kids from the hungry lion. The kids would scream, “Help! The lion has me” and the teacher would run to the rescue. It was a great game all the kids LOVED. After playing the game we would explain the significance behind it. You see the lion represented the devil. He wants to devour us and to hurt us. And when the devil comes to try to get us if we call on Jesus (the other teacher) he will come and rescue us.

This past Saturday I had the incredible opportunity to build a mud house. It was a dive straight into Swazi culture. We dug dirt from the earth until there was a huge pile of dirt next to the structure where the house was being built. Then we would go downhill and fetch water from a stream. We would put the huge jugs on our heads and carry the water uphill and mix the water with the dirt. We mixed the dirt and the water making mud then we threw the mud on this stick structure.

If you have been following my blog you will know that some of the locals call me “cheese boy”. Well after working on the house this day one of the guys said, “You are no longer a cheese boy but a true Swazi. We must now give you a Swazi name.”

Someone suggested, “I think he should be called Jabulani.”

Then others said, “Yabo! (Yes!) he is defiantly a Jabulani” (Jabulani means happiness)


I have a prayer request I would like all my readers to help me with:



Since I’ve been in Swaziland I’ve been hounded by many, many people. They ask me can you help me with money here. . . or can you help me financially here. . . It’s gotten quite overwhelming to say the least. I can’t go to town without being stopped at least 5-6 times. I want to help people but giving a hand out isn’t always the best way to help someone. Also I don’t have enough resources to help everyone I see with a need. If you can join with me as a pray to the Lord for discernment I would greatly appreciate it. I need all the help I can get. 

Overall I’m having a great time loving and serving the amazing people of this beautiful country. I really could see myself living here long term!

a story can change everything

(Please know that I haven’t shared the name of my friend in this blog. I want to protect his identity. He gave me permission to share his story with you.)

One of my fellow Swazi friends just shared his story with me. I have to say after hearing it I find myself broken once again.  This story is his reality. It’s not a book were he can quickly flip a few pages and see what’s next but each day he lives in faith and trust things will get better. His faith encourages and humbles me. Let me share his life’s story with you. . . 

This is a pineapple field i saw on the side of the road. 

It all started when he told me that Thursday his aunt passed away. He said, “I wonder if my mom even knows her sister died.”  Out of curiosity I asked, “Where is your mom? Why wouldn’t she know?” To answer this question he had to open the book of his life and read the story from the very beginning.

 He read, “You see Brandon my mom was a good woman and a hard worker. But for whatever reason my dad abused her and us. So she left to get away from him, she moved to South Africa. And since we lived in rural Swazi I never really had the opportunity to go to school. One day a woman saw my daily life and asked me, “If you ever had the opportunity to go to school would you ever go?” I answered, “Of course I would I want to make something of myself.” Brandon I thank god for this NEW MOM that took me in and let me stay at her place. She let me stay with her and her children and she even paid my school fees. She was so good to me but her children weren’t so nice to me though they kept telling me “you’re gonna fail. You are never gonna make it all the way through school you’re so far behind.” But I have nothing against them. I forgave them.  My NEW MOM would get very upset when she saw her kids treat me that way.”

I have known this particular person for quite some time but I never knew this about him. I never knew his story.  The crazy thing is he isn’t done we are only half way through it.  Let’s continue . . .

“Some thought I was only going to school to cause trouble. The teachers didn’t really accept me. But over time they started to see I really just want to learn. So they started treating me slightly better. Let me tell you about the time our school was taking a trip to Durban. We needed 1,500 Rand to go ($193). Well I didn’t have the money so I wasn’t going. I was ok with not going I didn’t have to go. All the other kids were so excited about going. They would come up to me saying, “We’re going to Durban! We’re going to Durban!” Kind of teasing me. Then two days before the trip my teachers pulled me aside.  They told me since I’ve been doing so well in school and staying out of trouble they wanted to provide me with the funds to go on the trip.  But even with the trip cost taking care of, I still didn’t have the funds for food for the trip. The teachers went a step further and gave me the needed funds for food for the trip. All I could do after this was thank God. I was so happy! Brandon God has been faithful through it all. He is all I really have. It can get tough and hard at times and I just cry. But God will come and comfort me through in those times.”

The longer I’m (Brandon now) here in Swaziland the more I’m seeing everyone has a story, everyone including myself. These stories don’t always have the happily ever after ending. In fact we don’t know how our story will end. However there is one thing I do know and its:

 Matthew 6:33   

“Seek first the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you all you need.”

I love this picture

 

I’m also realizing that being a Christian doesn’t mean things are always easy. There is no “become a Christian and things will always be great Gospel.” No, sometimes God asks use to walk through a season of suffering. And in those times it’s tough and hard it seems “like we are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.” There is good news even in that season of our life. The good news is we are just walking through we aren’t camping out in the valley we are just walking through it. We just need to trust God while we are walking through, for He is surly walking with us through it although He might be very quite.

I share stories like with you because I want others to see what reality is for some people. So we can see we are so blessed and at times we don’t even know it. We must thank God for our blessings and pray for others that are walking through circumstances that may be difficult. We must pray that they will have strength to preserve through life’s difficulties. Pray for peace in the middle of the chaos and confusion. Pray that they will never give up on hope or on Jesus.