figuring myself out

I’m trying to figure myself out.  .  . Today when I hear of adversity, pain, injustice, or anything like it I find myself running towards it. I’m attracted to those areas like bugs are attracted to light. I need to get there and bring the hope, comfort, and the love that is found in Christ. But I use to not be like this. I actually use to run the opposite way. Adversity and pain made me uncomfortable and I wanted nothing to do with it. I tried to ignore it and I even tried to deny its existence. I would turn my head and close my eyes and would walk away. I can remember watching TV commercials about the hungry African babies with the fly on their face and a man comes on asking for your money to help support the kids. Another time watching CNN and seeing all the devastation after a tsunami destroyed thousands of homes and killed many in Shri Lanka. For a moment I was saddened then after about 10 minutes I would forget it all happened. I would forget while others were fighting for their lives.  I remember hating that about myself and I wanted to do something.

There are over six and a half billion people on the planet,

which is crazy, I can’t even get my head around that kind of a figure.

But what we do is approximate humanity to the nearest half a billion

as if near enough is good enough. The truth is every single one is someone,

every single one is a life, with a hope, with real fears, everyone is unique .

-          Joel Houston

 When did such a drastic change take place in my heart?  The truth is I still can feel slightly uncomfortable but I know that it’s not about me and my comfort but it’s about Him. I believe God has placed something in my heart that pulls me towards people that are in these situations.  I believe God has called me to be a representative of His loving nature and to testify He loves them deeply and desires that they turn to Him everything they need can be found in Him. When I get discouraged and realize how unworthy I am I remember that there is a magnificent, wonderful, and loving God that lives in me. How humbling that such a mighty sovereign King would come and live inside of me and love people through me. 

I am only one

but still

I am one.

I cannot do everything

but still I can do something

and because I cannot do everything

I will not refuse to do something

that I can do.

-          Helen Keller

I remember seeing this South African man search in trash cans while I was waiting in a plush, comfortable, air conditioned car a week ago. I have to sadly confess I didn’t do anything to help this man. I regret my apathy but in that moment I began to pray under my breath: “God why did you bless me so lavishly and yet there are people in this world who seem to be so desprate? I know you see them and know of their pain, I just don’t understand. God create in me a heart that sees people the way you see them.  Help me see sin the way that you see it. Help me love people like you love people.” 

Shortly after this man disappeared into the crowd and I prayed that silent prayer a conversation started in the car about two young beautiful girls that were staying on the same compound as I. The two girls are sisters and two years ago when they were only eight and ten years old they witnessed their father die instantly after getting his throat sliced. After this horrible event occurred the older sister of these two young girls decided to lock her sisters into a room where men would come in a rape them repeatedly for many days. You see the older sister was raped before and she thought that her sisters needed to feel the pain she went though.  As I heard the story something in me began to hurt, for I knew both of these girls. A few days after hearing this horrific story of these girls we realized these two girls and most of the others on the compound didn’t own a Bible. We bought Bibles for them all and started Bible studies. Our first study was Jeremiah 29:11-14. After that study we began to see the kids reading their Bibles on their own. Molly, one of the girls that saw her father killed and was raped two years ago memorized and recited Jeremiah 29:11-14 to me. I remember thinking; this is what it’s all about. This is what will bring forth the change that is so desperately needed, Jesus and ONLY Jesus. Not good intentions, money, or even supplies. Jesus is the only one that can turn this continent and our world around. We all have a responsibility as the church to introduce people to Jesus.  

Live as Christ died yesterday,

rose this morning

and is coming back tomorrow.

-          Martin Luther 

Yesterday after returning back to Swaziland I had a great talk with a close Swazi friend and this is what he said after I told him I was leaving for Zimbabwe next week  and I wouldn’t return back to Swazi , “Brandon you have encouraged me so much since you’ve been here. You’ve always pointed me towards God but what I don’t get is you people come and do all this good and then you just leave. I don’t understand.” I told him, “I know goodbyes aren’t always easy but sometimes they’re necessary for us to do what God has called us to do. But I can tell you that I hate saying good bye and I really don’t want to go back to the states and live for long. But I want to live in another country and help people by introducing them to Jesus. I’m still praying, “God where do you want me to go?” 

I have been praying to God asking where and what’s next and I believe God has given me another step that I will need to take in faith. I will tell you all about it in time. I just don’t believe I need to come out and say it just yet. But please stay in prayer with me because I believe God could use you to help me with this next step of faith I’ll need to take. . . 

I’m still a work in progress and I don’t know when this transformation took place inside of me but I’m glad it did. I desire and believe I’m called to travel the world and love people the way Christ loved. We can’t get discouraged because the need is so great but we have to focus on individuals God has set in our path. We can’t change the world, a culture, nor even the individual but we can be faithful to what God is leading us to do. He does the transforming of the heart and flips the community right side up. All He asks of us is obedience nothing more and nothing less.